My Tales My Travels My Tunes: October 2011

To Sandhya... belated birthday gift!

Swamiji often says that he is the most selfish person because he does not do anything that does not bring happiness to himself. That is one way of looking at it. There is also another viewpoint. Like all enlightened beings, Swamiji's every action brings happiness to the world and he feels happy by bringing happiness to the world. Thus, his selfishness is nothing more than a pure care and concern for the whole world.

Swamiji was not always like this. Before he became a swami, he was a hunter in the forest. As a lone hunter, every single thing he did was for his own self. He did not have to do anything for anybody else. He was perfectly happy and content living alone in the forest, taking whatever he wanted, wherever and whenever he wanted it. The fruit of the tallest tree, the fish from the deepest lake, the pelt of the wildest tiger, a ride on the back of a rogue elephant - nothing eluded him. The strong, young hunter had to simply stretch his arms and he found them all within his reach.

One day, the hunter happened to be at the edge of the forest, when he heard the most melodious song on the air. The sweet song seemed to be coming from across the river which separated the forest from a small town. The curious hunter swam across the gentle river and noticed a young girl singing as she worked in the garden behind her house, not too far from the river bank. He had never witnessed such beauty in form or sound in all his young life. The fair-skinned, dark-haired girl shone like the Autumn's full moon with a dark cloud hanging over it. He was immediately smitten by her.

The young hunter remained hidden in a tree on the river bank all afternoon, just watching the girl or listening to her melodious voice. She seemed to sing tirelessly all day, as she went about her chores. The hunter lost all track of time. He lost all trace of thought. He just was. After some time, he even lost sense of his own individuality, totally drowning himself in the girl's pure Being. He had never experienced anything like that before.

The hunter was jolted out of his trance when an old man, presumably the girl's father, returned home at dusk. He noticed that the Sun was almost gone and darkness was fast enveloping the world. The hunter silently slid off the tree and swam back to the jungle. There was thick darkness when he made it to the opposite bank, but the hunter moved as easily in the darkness as he did in the light.

The hunter spent all night thinking about the girl. He recognized that he desired her. He was surprised by the intensity of the desire. It felt as if he had never desired anything else ever before in his life. And for the first time in his life, he did not know how to fulfill this desire. Some deep instinct told him that this was one situation where he couldn't simply move in and take what he wanted. For the first time, he felt the need for somebody else to desire him on their own accord. Somehow it seemed terribly important to him that the girl want him, just as much as he wanted her. And he did not know how to make that happen.

For a whole week, the hunter spent the first part of every day hidden in the tree behind the girl's house, having swum across the river almost as soon as he woke up. He watched her, he heard her, he smelt her. He spent those days in a trance. He did not know it then, but it was indeed his first experience of meditation. Every day, the girl's soul, without her own awareness, became the boat which took him down the river of deep silence and great bliss to the place of boundless Being. Every afternoon, with great reluctance he left her and returned to the jungle well before sunset.

Finally, the young hunter was ready to make his move. The next morning, he swam across the calm river with a bundle on his head that he was careful to keep dry. Once ashore, he changed to grand, dry clothes from the bundle. The clothes were made of animal pelts and feathers. In addition to the clothes, the bundle also contained a special gift he had brought for the girl. With the gift wrapped under his arm, he boldly made to the girl's front door.

The girl's door opened just as he reached it and she stepped out of the house dressed at her finest, with a beautiful flower garland in her arms. The hunter had absolutely adored her all these days as she went about her daily chores, dressed in regular house clothes. But seeing her now, dressed in beautiful flowing garments, her thick hair washed and decorated, her body smelling of flowers in full bloom, the hunter was bowled over. As for the girl, she was at first startled with fear at the sight of a dark stranger at her door. But then, something about the hunter's guileless open face, shining eyes and bright smile eased her fears. She looked at him curiously.

The hunter spoke to her with calm and confident ease. He felt neither calm nor confident in his mind and heart. But he had long learnt to control his internal emotions, while externally doing exactly as he intended. That crucial skill of jungle survival came in handy as he introduced himself to the girl and revealed his feelings for her. The girl was amused and touched by the young hunter's words. But she told him that she was already in love with another man.

The hunter was stunned. He had never considered the possibility that the beautiful girl might be in love with somebody else. She seemed so pure and innocent as he watched her for the past week. He could not comprehend that she was thinking of another man during all that time. He felt his guts rip apart to even imagine that. His throat locked up with a grief he had never experienced in his life. Yet, he remained calm and confident on the outside, asking the girl who this man was that she loved.

The girl went on to describe a man of immense beauty and talent. A man wiser and stronger than anybody in the world. A man who was loved by everyone, young and old, rich and poor, male and female. A man who was wealthier than anybody had ever been. The girl spoke with such pride and love for the man, the hunter felt totally defeated and hopeless. He felt great sorrow to realize that the girl was so nicely dressed because she was going to meet the man she loved. And the beautiful flower garland that she had made for that man caused the hunter to burn with envy. He became very curious to see this strange man who was the cause of such deep misery to him. He asked the girl if she would introduce him to the man. The girl said she would be glad to do so.

The young hunter fell in beside the girl as she walked along a path that ran parallel to the river. As they walked, she continued to talk breathlessly about her beloved, telling a different story of his adventures and accomplishments every two minutes. The stories were fantastic and sounded greatly exaggerated. The hunter felt a dizzying mix of emotions during that short walk. He loved the company of the girl, how easily and naturally she fit in next to him on the path. Once again, he drowned himself in her voice, her scents, her presence. At the same time, his guts twisted, his heart hammered, his throat locked up as he heard her talk about another man.

Finally, they reached a building that was the tallest and most beautiful in the small town. The hunter could see more people going in and out of the building. The hunter guessed that the girl's beloved was probably the king or prince of the town. He didn't think that the king of a town would be any better than him, the lord of the jungle. He started to mentally puff up his own confidence in preparation to meet the girl's love. As they entered the innermost sanctum of the building, his eyes were drawn to a beautiful dark idol that stood in the spot of honor, decorated with flowers and jewels, surrounded by many lamps. The idol was the second most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life, second only to the girl he loved, of course. Nevertheless, he was still compelled to turn around and look at her to make sure that she was indeed more beautiful than the idol. He noticed that she herself was lost gazing at the idol with total love and admiration. Again he felt a pang of jealousy at something that would consume her attention more than him. But this time, his jealousy was less than it had been when she talked about her love earlier. After all, why should he be jealous of a lifeless idol?

When he asked the girl to show him the man she loved, she laughed at him and told him that her love was Lord Krishna, and pointed at the idol. At first the hunter was a little confused. Then, as he understood what she was saying and realized that she might be serious, he was even more confused. He asked her if she was not joking, if she was really serious, if she truly loved the lifeless idol. She told him that the idol had more life and power than any living person she had ever met. The hunter laughed out loud. He told her that she was either trying to fool him or she was crazy. The idol could not give her anything that a real man could. She couldn't marry the idol, make a family with it and live her whole life with it. For that she needed to marry a real man. She replied that perhaps she would marry a man some day. The hunter asked her if that man could be him. She replied that perhaps it could be him or somebody like him. The hunter's hopes perked up for the first time that evening. He asked her if she would forget Krishna and love her husband when she got married. She said that she wouldn't. Regardless of what happened, she would always love Krishna more than anybody else in the world. The Lord would always be her first and foremost love.

The hunter yelled in frustration. He could not imagine his wife loving another man, even if he was no more than a lifeless idol. He had seen the love with which she had dressed up and made the flower garland, he had heard the love in her voice and her words as she told him about Krishna on the way to the temple. He could never tolerate being subservient to that love. He tried to convince her. He asked her to look at him. He was as beautiful as Krishna. He had the same complexion, the same eyes, the same hair. And, he was not a lifeless idol either. He was alive and strong. Even the herds of lions and elephants in the jungle ran in fear of him. But the girl only smiled at him indulgently and almost pityingly. The hunter told her that her Krishna could only accept gifts from her like the beautiful garland she brought him. He could never bring her his own gifts. Saying so, the hunter opened his bundle with a flourish and spread a beautiful, soft pelt of a golden deer at the girl's feet. The girl looked down at the pelt and cried with anguish. She berated him for killing an innocent animal. She told him that she did not want that gift which was made by taking a life. She did not believe in a love that caused him to kill. She asked him to forget her and go away. Angry and sad, the young hunter quietly gathered up his pelt and left the temple, with one last smoldering look at the dark idol of Lord Krishna, smiling amidst the flowers, jewels and lights.

The hunter spent a dark fortnight in the forest. Even the animals seemed to sense his mood and kept even more out of his way than they usually did. The utter helplessness and desperation was a new feeling for him. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't keep still. This was one problem for which he could find no resolution with his physical or mental prowess. Finally, he concluded that the only way for him to win the girl's heart was by surpassing Krishna. He had to find out the greatest achievement of Krishna and then do him one better. With that determination, the young hunter swam back across the river and went straight to the temple.

The temple was run by an old, kind priest who had witnessed the dialog between the young hunter and the beautiful girl with silent amusement. The hunter asked him to tell him everything about Krishna. The priest told him that Krishna's story was a long one, that would take several days to narrate. The impatient hunter asked him to just tell him what Krishna's greatest achievement was. The priest told him that in his opinion, Krishna's greatest achievement was a song called the Bhagavad Gita. The hunter expressed his desire to hear the song so that he could compose something even better. The priest told him that there were some preparations that the hunter had to do before he could even begin to hear the Song of the God. The hunter told him that he was ready to do whatever it took.

Thus began the spiritual education of the hunter right there in the temple, under the tutelage of the wise old priest. The hunter was smart and quick to learn, but he knew nothing more than the skills of jungle survival. Otherwise, he was a total illiterate. So, the priest had to start him off from learning the basic alphabets. The hunter's routine consisted of three things - the mornings were spent learning all the conventional lessons of the spiritual and the material world, the afternoons were for working on the endless menial tasks needed to keep the temple running, the evenings were spent exclusively for tales of Krishna. The hunter was a sincere and ardent student. He absorbed every lesson like the dry land sucks up rain water. He never refused to do anything that the priest asked him to do. His only condition was that on the one evening a week that the young girl visited the temple to see her beloved Krishna, the priest should leave him undisturbed.

It seemed as if the hunter lived all week in anticipation of the couple of hours that the girl spent in the temple every week. When she came to the temple, her eyes were totally on Krishna as she prayed to him, sang for him, danced for him, talked to him in her own state of loving trance. The hunter's eyes were totally on the girl during that time, as he became lost in his own state of meditative trance. Thus unfolded an extraordinary story of triangular love in front of the priest's eyes over a course of many months.

As time progressed, the hunter changed little by little from a hardened young warrior to a bright young scholar. His demeanor became refined, his language became civilized. He thought with extraordinary wisdom and spoke with amazing clarity. But during the two hours every week that the girl spent in the temple, the hunter was no more than a stricken lover. During the rest of the week, the hunter was a reasonable, equanimous person who was calm and at peace in his knowledge of Krishna. But when the girl came by to love and adore Krishna with her songs, he still felt pangs of jealousy, regret and longing.

Then came the storms. The rainy season was unusually fierce. The clouds poured and poured for days amidst thunder and lightening. On the tenth morning of continuous rains, the young hunter (he was still called the hunter by everyone including himself) was shaken awake in his room near the temple by the girl he loved and her old father. There was a look of fear in their eyes. The hunter could hear a mighty roar from the direction of the river. The normally gentle river was swiftly flooding beyond its banks. The girl who lived farther upriver had already lost her house to the floods and had run down with her father to warn the people in and around the temple. The hunter ran outside and noticed that the wall built around the temple seemed to be holding the floods at bay for the moment, but it wouldn't stand for long. He ran over to the temple to rouse the priest and barely got him up and out, before the water started spilling over the walls.

Everybody ran away from the river and the temple to higher ground. The girl kept pulling at the arms of the priest as they ran, asking him about her beloved Krishna. The priest assured her that he had securely locked the doors of the inner sanctum. Regardless of what happened to the temple's outer walls and building, the Lord would be secure in the strong inner sanctum which had been built to withstand precisely this type of floods. The small crowd of people stood at the higher ground and watched glumly through the day, into the afternoon, as the wild river slowly, but surely, tore down the temple walls. As the priest predicted, the inner sanctum stood strong. The rains still came down as hard as ever, the river looked less like a river and more like an angry ocean. As the day progressed to dusk and the unseen Sun moved closer to the horizon, there was a mighty crack as one wall of the inner sanctum was washed away by the floods. The girl whimpered with fear. It was not long before the great idol of Lord Krishna was torn off its base and flung into the raging waters. The girl screamed in anguish and made to rush forward while her father and the priest held her back. She shouted Krishna's name in panic and grief.

The hunter looked at the girl's crying face and made a quick decision. Without hesitation, he ran forward and flung himself into the river. He was immediately engulfed by the angry waves. He disappeared in a flash. Everybody screamed in panic and shock. But nobody dared jump in the water to rescue him. That night, the rains stopped. By next morning, the flooding river had receded. But it still flowed swift and angry. Search parties were organized by the townfolk to find the hunter, who was well liked by everyone. The girl joined one of the search parties. The girl's group was many miles downriver by the afternoon of that day when she heard a familiar tinkling sound. She would recognize that sound anywhere in the world. There was no doubt in her mind. She shouted for the others to follow her as she rushed into the river towards a clump of water plants and bushes. Stuck among them was her beloved Krishna, the golden bells in the idol's ears tinkling. Lying next to the idol with his arms wrapped tight around it was the hunter, in a state of unconsciousness.

Lord Krishna and the hunter were carried back to the town. The hunter was had been close to death and for a day or two, nobody was sure if he would survive. The girl prayed for him and cared for him. She nursed him back to health, slowly and surely. And while she nursed him, she felt a lot of affection and care and concern well up for him. It did not take long for these feelings to turn into a deep love. She understood that the hunter had risked his life and jumped into the river to rescue Krishna only for her sake. How could she resist such great, unselfish love?

When the hunter regained his consciousness and came back to full health, he was a changed man. Something had happened to him when he jumped into the river and gone through the near death experience. It seemed that his last action before that experience had a profound effect on him. For the first time in his life, he had done something that was totally selfish and yet totally selfless. He had jumped into the river only because he felt a great pain seeing the girl's anguish at the prospect of losing Krishna. Thus, he had acted to ease his own pain. Yet, he could ease his own pain by only easing the girl's anguish, even if it cost him his life. It was an act of true love wherein, it is impossible to separate selfishness and selflessness, it is impossible to say if the action was for the benefit of the lover or the beloved. This realization, followed by his near death experience changed him. He still loved the girl as much as he ever did. But now, he felt the same love for Krishna. He felt the same love for himself. He could not fathom any separation between the girl, Krishna or himself. And if he let his spirit expand, he could not find any separation between himself and all the other beings in the world. The hunter had drowned and the swami was born.

The Swami, although he still loved the girl deeply, never felt a desire to marry her or live a family life with her. He dedicated his life to serving Krishna and the world. As for the girl, she dedicated herself to the Swami and to Krishna. Thus, by the side of that river, which had turned gentle again, the triangular love story morphed into a love that was much bigger and infinite, that included and engulfed the whole world.

My Tales My Travels My Tunes

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